Day 81- A Little Frustrated

I need to vent.

It is lovely and wonderful and all learning a new language....but god knows today, I am SICK of being misunderstood. I am tired of having to repeat myself over and over again and making other people repeat themselves. I am tired of having to think about what I want to say for more than five seconds. And then, even if I manage to get the words out, I think about it and it never comes out how I was originally thinking of it anyway.

And it goes deeper. Honestly this is something I have thought about a lot, living in Chile. I mean no matter how good you get at a second language, it's never really the same. I speak Spanish fluently, but there are certain things I'm not sure how to say, some ways of expressing myself that changes everything once I open my mouth. Not because I don't know the vocabulary, or the grammar. It's the rhetoric of it all. It's how you communicate a specific thing in a specific situation.  In the end, what you say and that way you say it, sort of makes you who you are...it's a big part of how the world views you. So I've always felt, there's the Nasha in Chile, and there's the one in the States. Obviously, the essence is the same...but somehow my personality changes in some ways. I'm more funny in English. I can tell stories better.  In some ways I've always thought that if you don't know the English-speaking me, you don't truly know me.

And now. I'm not in either countries and I can't speak either languages. Now I'm just a small part of Nasha. I'm Na. That couldn't even be a nickname.  It's so frustrating. Because no one knows who I really am, what I'm really like...how I really talk. Today it feels like I'm just the confused girl that always says "What?". I was just in the kitchen trying to explain that today wasn't my day...that I'm kind of fed up with everything,.and I couldn't even explain that. And then they thought I meant something else and I barely made it out of the room without bursting into tears while washing the dishes. And thank god I did because if I hadn't...HOW would I explain it. Ughh.

I read this quote in the book I'm reading for class, and I couldn't have related more to the character in the book: "He has not mastered London.  If there is any mastering going on, it is London mastering him." (Youth-J.M. Coetzee). Yes. I am definitely getting my butt kicked by Rome and it's language.

So anyway. Today is not my day. I hate feeling incompetent, which, by the way, only originally thought of because I had to be around a particularly incompetent person. Ironic. I have to admit the venting has distracted me.  And I did make myself a really good dinner...ricotta and spinach ravioli with some mozzarella, broiled eggplant, olive oil and Parmesan cheese. Pasta never fails. Now I'm in bed ready for my black and white movie- Roman Holiday. Maybe I'll understand some of the Italian in it and feel better. Anyone interested?

I've never seen a trailer this old before...they were kinda great huh, with the regal voice and all? :)

Day 78- Sorchetta Doppio Schizzo

Well this week I had my last Spanish and English Lit class, so now just Italian to go. Which is nicee.  I have my first exam on Tuesday, so I have been reading up on summaries of "La Regenta". We shall see.

Besides that the weather has been amazing. No more rain!! It has felt like summer most days this week...so I am ready for a beach and the tan that will come with it. Now I'm just waiting for all the spring pollen to be goneee so my allergies can be gone with it. The whole breathing out of my mouth is getting really old.

I did get out a little more this week. Tuesday night I went to Coni and Pilar's for some wine and catching up...It was definitely nice to get out of the house. Then on Wednesday people came over for Marta's malted chocolate cake..and more wine. I also tried Aperol, which is basically another version of Campari, but sweeter.  So go figure, I like it more. The traditional way to drink it is with prosecco, called a "Spritz", so when in doubt about what to order at a bar here, go for that. It's growing on me.

And yesterday was a big eating day. I had a lot of reallly good food. First for lunch, Pasquina (did I fail to mention the new girl again?) made pesto. So wait, quick side note- Pascuina is my new apartment-mate, which means we have a full house.  She's 24, and from Siena. Which makes me happy because that means I'm currently surrounded by one more Italian. She's the sweetest, and from what Valerio tells me, very southern, with her breakfast set up perfectly at the kitchen table every night, ready for the next morning. We have happily been exchanging Italian and English, wanting to be fluent by the time we both leave here. I'm finding we're similar in many ways...same random pair of shoes, we both have blue lufas. Haha. And if it's possible, she's even more organized and cleaning-obsessive than I am. Godsent. We're definitely getting along.

So anyway. Pesto. Pasquina's brother came to visit, and brought her mom's homemade pesto, so she threw that in a bowl with mozzarella and cherry tomatoes.  Such a great fresh lunch for the summer and how hot it was yesterday. Then, Valerio made Tiramisu. It never ends. That's another one on my list that he has to teach me how to make. It was honestly the best one I've had so far (which isn't many, but hey, it beats both restaurants). Later, around 8, we decided to go out for a drink close by...Check out Valerio's parking job:

Obviously it hit on the way in. And the way out.

I think it's great that you can get away with this without getting a ticket or having your window smashed...Oh Valerio. Le cose que fai! Haha. Anyway, we went in and for a set price you get a cocktail and access to a little buffet of hor d'oeuvres, and by hors d'oeuvres I mean a full meal of little slices of various pizzas, pasta mixes and grilled vegetables. Yum. Then...back at the house Valerio made dinner for Maria, which ended up being...wait for it.....Spaghetti with white clam sauce. I was so excited it wasn't even funny. This used to be one of my grandma's best meals and I used to ask for it for my birthday all the time. I haven't had it for years...so I had to have a little taste and of course was in heaven. So so good. And apparently really easy to make...so yup-another thing I'll be learning to cook.

After dinner, I went out with Maria, Flavia, Coni and Pilar, to a place called Circolo degli Artisti.  Now I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but my first week in Rome, Daniela and I went out one night and ended up walking around after going to this place and finding it empty. Last night, it was definitely not empty, and turned out to be really fun. Basically it almost looks like a park; it's outdoors, with different areas to sit in tables, sofas, etc., and bars spread out throughout the area. There's also a pizzeria and a grilled sandwich station if you get hungry, and a closed space with a DJ for dancing. So nottt bad. Granted getting there and back with a car was amazing, so we'll see how it by means of regular old roman public transportation next time we go.  

Of course, on our way home, we had to try the late night (or early morning) snack, a "Sorchetta doppio schizzo"..a fried pastry topped with cream and nutella. Now, Sorchetta is the name of the pastry and
doppio schizzo means double squeezed, referring to the two toppings...however, there is a double meaning...which I don't know how to put into words, so you guys are on your own for that one. I'll give you a hint- Romans have pretty dirty minds. 

That's Maria!

Despite it's meaning (and I say despite, writing from a woman's perspective haha), it was a delicious way to end the night.

So now, I need to do more studying...There's a vegetarian vegetable market today (redundant as it sounds) that I'd like to go to in the afternoon with Maria, but I don't know if I'll have the time. If I apply myself enough maybe I could go...Uff. Now that I think of it, my shelves in the fridge are actually completely empty besides a yogurt and two tomatoes...sooo maybe I should consider it more of a necessity?

Day 18

Well, finally more classes.  Ironically, I'll be studying English and Spanish lit here in Italy.  But i'm looking into Italian cinema and modern architecture, which both sound quiteee intruiguing. So going to class has kept me more busy, although today classes were cancelled because of a subway protest or something that immobilized public transformation for the day. Not too much of a let down really, I slept.

I took my Italian test...and it went as well as I thought it would. So Level 1. Back to basics. Although that would imply having been more advanced at some point, which I haven't been at, so it's more like...starting at the basics. Buongiorno.

I did make some new friends though..I went out with another Chilean girl that's here, Coni and we had our first night out.  We met a few Romans (one of which is a chef...thank you) who took us to "Testaccio", which for a Monday night was not bad at all. So we danced and had a few unpronounceable shots, and were home in time to sleep a few hours before class this morning.

And now, after a beautiful parmesan taglierini dish and half a bottle of wine, we're off again, hopefully to meet more people and discover new places. And no class tomorrow. So much better.

This Sunday is the marathon, I know I should probably make my mom proud and run part of it, buttt, let's just say it's too late and I'll be watching from my window. Valerio says they run right on our street, so watching it while having lunch seems like a perfect plan.

And this weekend, Pisa. NOT missing our train again. We're thinking Naples for next weekend. So more stories to come.......